Cooler than me on Facebook

to the tune of Cooler than me by Mike Posner

If I could send you a poke
and make you answer me
I would already have and
you’d be my buddy
I used to send a request
but you think I’m obsessed.
So you didn’t reply,
you think you’re cooler than me.

You post these walnut phrases
and leave out spaces
whenever you write
because you’re cooler than me.
You never click “Like” on
the pics of my bike, oh.
It’s probably ’cause
you think you’re cooler than me.

You got your hot apps
post on your wall.
And you show them around
like they ain’t shit.
But you don’t know
the way that you look
when your apps
post
that
much
spam.

Shh!

I got you
all figured out:
You need everyone’s likes like
you’re fifteen.
But behind that
nobody knows
despite this flame war
you’re at least thirty-four.

If I could send you a poke
and make you answer me
I would already have and
you’d be my buddy
I used to send a request
but you think I’m obsessed.
So you didn’t reply,
you think you’re cooler than me.

You post these walnut phrases
and leave out spaces
whenever you write
because you’re cooler than me.
You never click “Like” on
the pics of my bike, oh.
It’s probably ’cause
you think you’re cooler than me.

You’re playing farmville,
sending out nails.
And you don’t even look
when I link you.
But you don’t know
the way that you look
when you don’t
re-
ply
to
jokes.

Shh!

I got you
all figured out:
You need everyone’s likes like
you’re fifteen.
But behind that
nobody knows
despite this flame war
you’re at least thirty-four.

And you write like
you think you’re elite
but we all see
that you’re just a cheat

If I could send you a poke
and make you answer me
I would already have and
you’d be my buddy
I used to send a request
but you think I’m obsessed.
So you didn’t reply,
you think you’re cooler than me.

You post these walnut phrases
and leave out spaces
whenever you write
because you’re cooler than me.
You never click “Like” on
the pics of my bike, oh.
It’s probably ’cause
you think you’re cooler than me.

NOTE: Judging by the lyrics for the original song that I found online, there seem to be a few different versions of this song. This is of course not uncommon, but my text only fits with the version I linked. If that link doesn’t work for you and you find a different link / file where the sound and the lyrics don’t quite go together, you probably have a different version and there’s little I can do about that. Sorry.

1. The first one on the list is Weird Al Yankovics Youtube Channel. I grew up listening to Weird Al and he’s probably still the funniest guys I know of in the business. For example, check out classics like Like a Surgeon (a parody of “Like a virgin” by Madonna, alternative link here) or his new parody Perform this way to Lady Gagas “Born this way”. Also, there are loads of videos with his music that aren’t on his own channel, say You’re pitiful, a parody of James Blunt’s “You’re beautiful” or Don’t download this song, which is not a direct parody of any song but a style parody. Both of those videos are not by Weird Al himself, but great nevertheless. Oh, and you could download both of those songs for free from his site. Legally.
   
2. The second one is CollegeHumor. They are a great group of people who collect and create loads of amusing content, including a music video every now and then. A few recommendations to get you started here? Sure, how about Don’t cosplay with my heart, a parody of Bruno Mars’ “Just the way you are” or Galactic Empire State of Mind, a parody of “Empire state of mind” by Jay-Z. Oh, and this song simply called Avril Parody, a parody of “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne. And there are many more, just have a look around.
   
3. Comming up next: The Key of Awesome. Weird and funny stuff, quite a few different musical styles. They started with Metallicats, covered Tik Tok by Ke$ha with Glitter Puke and their newest one Angry Birds is, of course, about the addictive game “Angry Birds”. Oh, and it’s a parody of “Rolling in the deep” by ADELE. Check out the rest too, it’s worth it.
   
4. Fourth on the list would be Flight of the Conchords. Now, they haven’t done much for a while from what I can tell, but there are some pretty good songs from them available. If you’re into it is one of my favourites here, or how about The humans are dead? Of course, you can just search Youtube and find quite a few great videos there.
   
5. One more for the list: The lonely Island. I’m on a boat with T-Pain is one of their better known songs (try this link if the above doesn’t work), or how about Jizz in my pants? (Alternative Link here.) Oh, and I just had sex is also very funny, though you should be careful where you post that link.
   

So, there’s lots of stuff to check out. Do you have any recommendations for me? Leave me some comments!

Anyhow, my next parody is on the way, so let’s see where the fun takes us.

Of course there are clothes around that aren’t ideal for every woman and if they choose smaller sizes than they should it can look weird, but most women can judge fairly well what they look like and sometimes they’re just fishing for complements or being overly sensitive. If you find yourself in such a situation again, fellow guys of the world, you may want to sing this song for her.

Not Fat

to the tune of Sweat by Snoop Dogg vs. David Guetta

Hey sweatheart!
When you take me shopping,
when you need new clothes
you will try them on
so I can, I can
tell you what I think, what I think.
Do they look OK?
But you doubt it, doubt it
even though I say:

You look sexy!
So rockin’, rockin’!
It looks so good on you,
please wear it every day.
Then you shoot me a look
like you want to say:
“Your lying, right?”
I must swear that:

[chorus]
no, I don’t think you look fat.
I don’t think you look fat.
No, I don’t think you look fat.
I don’t think you look fat,
fat.
No, it doesn’t make you fat.
It doesn’t make you fat.
No, it doesn’t make you fat.
It doesn’t make you fat.
Not. Fat.
[/chorus]

When we, when we sit at home
watching stuff on the TV
and you see thin models
you start feeling a bit queezy.
You think you should look like that
though those girls are really flat.
Are you kidding me?
What are you looking at?

You are a dream,
don’t complain about your stature.
When I see you
I can’t believe that I could catch ya,
I can, I can no-no-not believe
that you do not (no-not)
quickly and
easily conceive:

[chorus]
no, I don’t think you look fat.
I don’t think you look fat.
No, I don’t think you look fat.
I don’t think you look fat,
fat.
No, I don’t think you are fat.
I don’t think you are fat.
No, I don’t think you are fat.
I don’t think you are fat.
Not. Fat.
[/chorus]

In the mirror
whatcha see?
There’s a girl in there
who means the world to me.

She’s a cutie, she is sexy
she has curves, she is hot.
And I’ll tell you something else:
She ain’t fat.

[chorus]
No, I don’t think you look fat.
I don’t think you look fat.
No, I don’t think you look fat.
I don’t think you look fat,
fat.
No, I your’re also not too flat.
I don’t think you’re too flat.
No, I don’t think you’re too flat.
I don’t think you’re too flat.
No.
I don’t think that you look fat.
[/chorus]

Now, just for those who have never heard off the word “queezy” before, the urban dictionary is your friend. And I’m not saying that every woman behaves like that either, so please don’t be offended if you’re a woman who doesn’t behave like that, alright?

Zombie

to the tune of Grenade by Bruno Mars

I wrote you a love note
When we still were young, oh
you wrote back to me
from then my heart sung.

Should have known it was too good to be true
when a zombie bit you
Why did he bite you?

I told you it’s not bad
but you started to transform,
you started to transform, you did.

To stay the way you were
is all I ever asked,
’cause what you don’t understand is

[chorus]
I’d throw a grenade at ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Toss a handfull of blades at ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’m even waving a spade at ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I’m really afraid of ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Oh, oh

Babe you know it’s quite a strain,
all you want is to eat my brain,
’cause you’re a zombie now baby;
and it’s just not the same.
[/chorus]

No, no, no, no

Green, green, green and red,
colour of your skin now
You and your new friends go throw
my mates like you’re a plow

Mad zombie, bad zombie,
that’s just what you are, yeah,
if you bite our neighbours
you leave more than just a scar.

Tried to find a cure
but you tossed it in the trash,
you tossed it in the trash, that’s for sure.

And now all I can do is to not be killed by you,
’cause what you don’t understand is

[chorus]
I’d throw a grenade at ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Toss a handfull of blades at ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’m even waving a spade at ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I’m really afraid of ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Oh, oh

Babe you know it’s quite a strain,
all you want is to eat my brain,
’cause you’re a zombie now baby;
and it’s just not the same.
[/chorus]

If your body was on fire,
ooh, I’d watch you burn down in flames.
’cause the danger’s getting dire
and you’ll never, ever, ever be the same…

[chorus]
So darling, I must throw a grenade at ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Toss a handfull of blades at ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’m even waving a spade at ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I’m really afraid of ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Oh, oh

Babe you know it’s quite a strain,
all you want is to eat my brain,
’cause you’re a zombie now baby;
and it’s just not the same.

You want to eat my brain.
No it’s just not the same.
Ooh, but you would do the same.
[/chorus]

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Binary Song

to the tune of I will love you Monday by Aura Dione

[chorus]
One, nil, one, that gives five, yeah
One, nil, one, fourtyfive now
One, nil, one, now we are there
Three six five is what we get here
One, nil, one, that gives five, yeah
One, nil, one, fourtyfive now
One, nil, one, now we are there
Three six five is what we get here
[/chorus]

When we’re talking bin’ry
The system is quite easy
Just need powers really
of two, up to infin’ty
choose five and you’ll get thirty
plus two, now ain’t that nifty
Now how do you write sixty?

Two to the power of nil will give one,
learn it now, learn it now
I promise it’s fun
Two to the power of nil’s alright
Two to the power of anything you like

[chorus]
One, nil, one, that gives five, yeah
One, nil, one, fourtyfive now
One, nil, one, now we are there
Three six five is what we get here
One, nil, one, that gives five, yeah
One, nil, one, fourtyfive now
One, nil, one, now we are there
Three six five is what we get here
[/chorus]

One nil one is five, so
just one nil nil is four, bro
nil one nil is two, yo
and one two one a typo
I’m wondering if you know
that nil nil one is one, though
One one one’s not as low

Two to the nil is one
and to the one it is two
to the three it gives four
and to the four it is eight
one higher it is sixteen
then comes thirtytwo, man
next one up is six-four

Two to the power of one will give two,
learn it now, learn it now
it’s not a taboo
Two to the power of one’s alright
Two to the power of anything you like

Two to the power of two will give four,
learn it now, learn it now
oh don’t be a bore
Two to the power of two’s alright
Two to the power of anything you like
…anything you like

Now you add them up, yeah
One one one, don’t despair
four plus two plus one, there
it gives you seven, compare!
It’s easy if you prepare
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Prepare!

Two to the power of three will give eight,
learn it now, learn it now
before it’s too late
Two to the power of three’s alright
Two to the power of anything you like

Two to the power of four is sixteen,
learn it now, learn it now
and talk to machines
Two to the power of four’s alright
Two to the power of anything you like
…anything you like

[chorus]
One, nil, one, that gives five, yeah
One, nil, one, fourtyfive
[/chorus]

OK, so this song may not be the answer to your prayers about understanding binary numbers (You did have those, right? Unless you already understood them before this song, in which case you can jump the next paragraph.), but Wikipedia can explain properly.

Then, normally I don’t say “nil” myself, I say “zero”. Don’t know why exactly, I guess I just prefer the word. It sounds better in my ears. But for this song, I needed a word with only one sylible, so “nil” it was. (Naught would have worked too, but it’s easier to trip over while singing and “null” just sounds wrong in this context.)

Oh by the way, 101101101 in binary (the number listed over three lines in the chorus) is 365 in decimal numbers – the only number mentioned in the original song. ^^

Flying Spaghetti MonstR

to the tune of We R who we R by Kesha

You’re delirious
If you don’t think we’re serious
‘Cause Pastafarians we are
So FSM is our star

And yes, of course he does
Mean everything he said to us
Those tablets of which there were ten
That are now eight are great! R’amen! (en, en…)

Up in heaven, when we die
A beer volcano will supply
All we need, you can’t deny
That sounds goo-oo-ood (Sounds great!)

[chorus]
Tonight we’re saing har, har, har, ha, ha, har
‘Cause pirates we all are, are, are, a, a, are
The best belief by far, far, far, fa, fa, far
We believe in pasta
We are who we are!
In His name, don’t oppress, press, pre, pre, pre, press
Don’t care how people dress, dress, dre, dre, dre, dress
And give others a rest, rest, re, re, re, rest
Jehova or Allah,
They are who they are!
[/chorus]

Bobby brought it up
Cause ID people won’t shut up
He was sick of them being listend to
So he showed these guys his point of view

He wrote a letter to
The committee that should approve
Or else deny IDs bargin
to be taught beside of darwin (Duh!)

Then he put it all online
How the pasta was divine
His influence was benign
Now we know-ow-ow (And so:)

[chorus]
Tonight we’re saing har, har, har, ha, ha, har
‘Cause pirates we all are, are, are, a, a, are
The best belief by far, far, far, fa, fa, far
We believe in pasta
We are who we are!
In His name, don’t oppress, press, pre, pre, pre, press
Don’t care how people dress, dress, dre, dre, dre, dress
And give others a rest, rest, re, re, re, rest
Jehova or Allah,
They are who they are!
[/chorus]

Flying Spaghetti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti
Flying Spaghetti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti
[deep voice]Flying Spaghetti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti[/deep voice]
Flying Spaghetti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti

[chorus]
Tonight we’re saing har, har, har, ha, ha, har
‘Cause pirates we all are, are, are, a, a, are
The best belief by far, far, far, fa, fa, far
We believe in pasta
We are who we are!
In His name, don’t oppress, press, pre, pre, pre, press
Don’t care how people dress, dress, dre, dre, dre, dress
And give others a rest, rest, re, re, re, rest
Jehova or Allah,
They are who they are!
[/chorus]

Har!

If you want to find out more about the Flying Spaghetti Monster, you can check the Wikipedia articles on the religion itself, it’s gospel or just check out their official website! Also, their eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts” (the 8 of originally 10 tablets left) are listed on this wonderful site.

Rushed again

to the tune of Pushed Again by Die Toten Hosen

Whispering voices in my head
sounds like they’re calling my name
the mouse cursor is moving ahead
I start Windows and have to play a game

I feel the rush again…
I feel the rush again…

Why should I play what everyone plays?
Why should I do what everyone does?
I could sit here and play for days
Cause I just think these games are fun

I feel the rush again… (rush again)
I feel the rush again… (rush again)

With Chess Titans I can play on my own
Solitaire is a faithful friend
Playing Hearts when I am at home
Can’t you see
I don’t need your help?

You never understood the rules of Mahjong
And you don’t enjoy finding mines
FreeCell just takes far too long
You get confused
with InkBalls lines

I see you blush again… (blush again)
I see you blush again… (blush again)

Why can’t you just leave me alone?
Your tips are driving me up the wall
You’ve got to go
Cause you drive me nuts
I don’t know,
why you stay at all

And I’m sick (I’m sick)
of this strain (this strain)
in my ears (in my ears, in my ears, in my ears)
and I’m scared (I’m scared)
of being rushed (being rushed)
Again…

I do prefer to play alone
It’s like a drug,
addictive simple games
The rules of spider
solitaire are known
And there’s no blood
involved when I exclaim.

Oh no, that field I clicked was wrong!
Solitaire is a faithful friend
I wouldn’t play Purple
Place for to long
Apart from that I’m quite content

And I play (I play)
all these games (all these games)
all the time (all the time, all the time, all the time)
And I’m scared (I’m scared)
of being rushed (being rushed)
Again…

And I play (I play)
all these games (all these games)
all the time (all the time, all the time, all the time)
And I’m scared (I’m scared)
of being rushed (being rushed)
Again…

Don’t trust them

To the tune of Don’t trust me by 3Oh!3

It’s time to choose a new ISP,
it’s the end of my old contract and so I want to see
what they offer (offer)
cause I like a good speed.
I’ve got money for a reasonable connection, yippee!
I-I-I go to a few different stores
because I am the type of customer that goes and explores.
I’m welcomed behind the open glas doors,
but all they want to offer me is ominous I guarantee.

[CHORUS]
They want to have me (woo-hoo)
They want to get me (woo-hoo)
They’ll wanna keep me (woo-hoo, woo-hoo, ooh, ooh)
Don’t trust them, no,
Never trust them, no,
Won’t trust them, no, want my money.

They want to have me (woo-hoo)
They want to get me (woo-hoo)
They’ll wanna keep me (woo-hoo, woo-hoo, ooh, ooh)
Don’t trust them, no,
Never trust them, no,
Won’t trust them, no, want my money.
[/CHORUS]

Modems, aren’t what I’m looking for.
If you want a router, you’ll have to pay more.
And the support (support)
can be quite a disgrace.
So you’d better be the careful one, you know – just in case.
I-I-I-I don’t want phone and TV,
just a basic little flatrate with a reasonable speed.
Oh now, come on! (Come on!)
I just want Internet.
But by what they seem to offer I’ll need a TV set.

[CHORUS]
They want to have me (woo-hoo)
They want to get me (woo-hoo)
They’ll wanna keep me (woo-hoo, woo-hoo, ooh, ooh)
Don’t trust them, no,
Never trust them, no,
Won’t trust them, no, want my money.

They want to have me (woo-hoo)
They want to get me (woo-hoo)
They’ll wanna keep me (woo-hoo, woo-hoo, ooh, ooh)
Don’t trust them, no,
Never trust them, no,
Won’t trust them, no, want my money.
[/CHORUS]

I want to have Wi-Fi
and maybe a connection for my new mobile.
I said, I want to have Wi-Fi
and an ISP on which I can rely.
Listen, I don’t want all you supply
So give me just the basics or I’ll say goodbye.

[CHORUS]
They want to have me (woo-hoo)
They want to get me (woo-hoo)
They’ll wanna keep me (woo-hoo, woo-hoo, ooh, ooh)
Don’t trust them, no,
Never trust them, no,
Won’t trust them, no, want my money.

They aren’t right for me (woo-hoo)
They can’t supply me (woo-hoo)
They’ll never get me (woo-hoo, woo-hoo, ooh, ooh)
Don’t trust them, no,
Never trust them, no,
Won’t trust them, no, want my money.
[/CHORUS]

Disclaimer: I’m sure, there are reasonable ISPs out there. In my experience however, most ISPs are a lot of stress and this is what I want to represent with this song. If you’re an ISP and think you do a better job, this song is either not about you or you have a false impression of your service.

I need a Peeling

To the tune of I gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas

[woman]
I need a peeling
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ alright
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ alright
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ all alright

A peeling
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ alright
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ alright
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ all alright

A peeling (Ooo-hoo)
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ alright
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ alright
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ all alright

A peeling (Ooo-hoo)
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ alright
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ alright
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ all alright
A peel…

Tonight’s the night
My skin feels bad
I tried some lotions
They made me mad

If I don’t do it
Like, oh my God!
My skin is flaky
Let’s get it.. off
[/woman]

[man]
I know that you’ll feel appalling
if you don’t get it done
and don’t lose it all

You look stressed out
You won’t let it go
So get that address out
and regain control
[/man]

[woman]
Get in the car
please don’t stop
My plastic surgeon
Will do the… job

An acid peel
It’s no big deal
Will help my skin
[/woman]
[man]
And then you’ll feel good again
[/man]

[woman]
Let’s do it, let’s do it, let’s do it, let’s do it
And do it, and do it, let’s live it up

Let’s do it, and do it, and do it, do it, do it,
Let’s do it, let’s do it, let’s do it

’cause I need a peeling (Ooo-hoo)
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ alright
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ alright
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ all alright

A peeling (Ooo-hoo)
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ alright
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ alright
Cause tonight my skin ain’t feel’ all alright
A peel…
[/woman]

[woman]
So here we are (Hey!)
Let’s go right up (Year, go right up!)
I’ve got the money (Pay him!)
Just hope it’s good (I’m sure it’s good!)

[doctor]
I am the doctor (Hi!)
And who are you? (Who are we?)
A peeling patient? (That’s right!)
Here’s what I’ll do

A retinoic (What?)
acid peel (Oh.)
I will apply it (Do it! Do it!)
Then let it… heal

Stay home a while (Home a while!)
For your new style (Brand new style!)
For a few days
[/doctor]
[man]
And then you’ll look good again
[/man]

[woman]
Let’s do it, let’s do it, let’s do it, let’s do it
And do it, and do it, let’s live it up

Let’s do it, and do it, and do it, do it, do it,
Let’s do it, let’s do it, let’s do it, do it, do it, do it
[/woman]

[doctor]
Here we come, here we go
This is the stuff (stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff)

Give you anaesthesia
or it might be tough (tough, tough, tough, tough)

Smear it on-to your face
That is enough (nough, nough, nough, nough)

Your skin will be red a while
But it won’t puff (puff, puff, puff, puff)
[/doctor]

[woman]
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday (Better!)
Friday, Saturday, Saturday to Sunday (Better!)

Now-now-now-now-now it’s good
It ain’t red no more (more)
Better than before
It now looks better than before

And I’m feeling (Ooo-hoo)
That tonight my skin will feel alright
That tonight my skin will feel alright
That tonight my skin will feel all alright

A feeling (Ooo-hoo)
That tonight my skin will feel alright
That tonight my skin will feel alright
That tonight my skin will feel all alright

Ooo-hoo!
[/woman]

One System

To the tune of 21 Guns by Coldplay

Do you know, I was at my PC
when it smelt funny suddenly
Then smoke came out of the case
and I see what I will soon be facing

The screen froze, the mouse moved no more
when I was about to break my high-score
I had little left to hope for
It was ruined

One system is gone
Lay down your tools, give up the fight
One system is gone
The stuff that’s inside has suddenly died, it has died

So I got my screwdriver set
wouldn’t give up all my hope yet
I could save it, I would have bet
but that’s one bet that I would soon regret

So I went on and opened the case
you should have seen the look on my face
when I saw that it was a discrace
It was ruined

One system is gone
Lay down your tools, give up the fight
One system is gone
The stuff that’s inside has suddenly died, it has died

So I tried taking out some parts
checking if I could make it start
Cause replacing it wouldn’t be cheap
but a beep was all that I could get, broke my heart

So it’s time to admit that it’s gone
And that fact makes me feel so alone
One last look, it’s less than a barebone
It is ruined

One system is gone
Lay down your tools, give up the fight
One system is gone
The stuff that’s inside has suddenly died

One system is gone
Lay down your tools, give up the fight
One system is gone
The stuff that’s inside has suddenly died, it has died